I feel myself turning into some kind of filmmaking monk...
I start the day at work.... working in post-production...
outside...I think about story ideas....
what colours make up the morning....
How would I shoot that...
how would I capture so and so emotion...
kinda disturbing...
there goes my life...
yet I'm not really complaining..
just taking note of it....
and no I'm still not really good at filmmaking...
heh...
so many things to learn..
so many battles to fight...
but at least I can...
say with 100% confidence..
that I know what I wanna do with my life..
(1:00 AM)

Sometimes its really fucking daunting...
I realise....
to be good at my future industry....
needing technical skills...
social skills...
and an artistic ingenuity at the same time...
and I guess I need to learn chinese/cantonese/hokkien too...
and the power to use your ego at the right times....
but I guess the only way to do this...
is to learn things a chunk at a time..
not to panic..and just take advantage of whatever pops my way..
like the internship at blackmagic....
which seemed quite bad for the first weeks..
but now is suprisingly...pretty alright...
so as always..
God give me strength...
(7:24 PM)

I pray that I do not fail in the life given to me,
and that I do not fail the people given to me.

Its the last 3 weeks before school,
and it feels exactly like the last 3 weeks before school ended...
Rushing to finish stuff....
getting stressed over it....
and feeling so drained and uninspired...
Elohim shebashamyim, ten li ko'ach
(God in heaven, give me strength)
(5:52 AM)

It struck me,
listening to music on my ipod,
how easily duped I am as a human being.
The sounds coming from my ipod,
being a replication which, to my ears,
seems to sound like the artist singing,
but its not.
Its a system of binary 1s and 0s digitally deciding what I hear.
Creating a replication of reality.
1s and 0s,
like DNA.
A whole digital film is composed of 1s and 0s...
a visual reality.
The artificiality of candied products..
the so-called strawberry flavoured sweet,
reconstituted sugar..and other flavourings..
I am duped once again..
Its just like reality is within your grasp...
but your grasp cannot discern its true nature.
We are blinded...
and once we become accustomed to it...
we become its slaves,
defining it as the standard....
sheltered within our neat tidy little civilisations...
without care for much else...
till we die...
(8:03 AM)

I think life sucks when,
you can't do your work because the editing computer is taken up by another editor...
and when you come home,
you can't even use your own comp cos your father is playing cabal online....
F
M
L
(8:01 AM)