Sweet~!

2009-11-19T05:57:00.000-08:00

this semester has been a whirlwind of activity and it has been quite a trip trying to keep up with its intense pacing. However, it has proven to be quite a learning experience, despite the many disappointments with my abilities and my shortcomings.

Solo

What i had learnt from my solo was the need to discipline myself in the screenwriting process.
that is, to not simply focus on getting that one single perfect idea, but instead to develop, that is,
to put down on paper the idea and push it through several possibilities, instead of simply going from one idea to the next.

Also, during production, i realised that even in a non-dialogue piece, rehearsing is still necessary, since character emotion and expressions become even further enhanced due to this. My ability to direct this piece had been severely hindered due to this fact and hence the overall quality of my film suffered.

Another thing that I've learnt from this assignment is to hold my shots for a longer period of time allowing me much more freedom to cut in post. in addition to this, the pacing of action within the shots and among each other in the edit is also something that needs to be taken into consideration.

Kill Bill

i had opted to be an art director for the kill bill exercise in group 2. overall it was a good hands on experience. i've learnt the importance of colour with regards to set design, so as to create an overall integrated look. that art is pretty much akin to painting a picture except one done with set pieces instead.

Also, i've learnt the importance of the art director working with the Director of photography as the overlap between art and cinematography is quite significant. the use of lighting for example. i had used table lamps and clouded plastic in conjunction with set lighting to create a desired mood to the overall image.

it also taught me to be resourceful in the sourcing for props, formulating an organised approach in the acquisition of set pieces and the need to be organised in the handling of props and set pieces due to both their costs and quantity.

FLW

For flw, i had worked as art director and sound. Being my second time as art director, i more or less had an understanding of how to handle the role. However, with Artison's help, art direction became more dynamic. i realised the importance of improvisation in set design, such as a wooden block as a base to cover up, thereby making it into a makeshift table.

For sound, Nigel introduced the use of Shotgun mics in a studio environment, thereby creating greater depth of sound and a much more dynamic soundscape to work with. this had also taught me the importance of the distance of the boom from the subject, in order to create a credible sound which works in tandem with the picture.

in post sound, i had failed to achieve my desired sound edit. However, it did teach me the importance of ambience recordings and also the use of protools has left me alot more accustomed to its interface.

Besides these, i believe that Emilios editing classes gave a much more in-depth technical view of final cut pro that was much needed. to finally be able to delve deeper into the workings of the application was eye-opening and refreshing.

Conclusion
overall the entire semester has left me with a better understanding of film as a whole, especially the production process. Also, i have realised that i really need to manage my time better and to be more organised as this is a necessary trait no matter what role one is given, which is what i intend to work on in my subsequent projects.

2009-09-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

I am too easily distracted to do any work in front of my computer...
unless its opening a program, like Final Cut and so on.....
So I shall make it a point to do reading and planning outside my room.

2009-07-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

I feel myself turning into some kind of filmmaking monk...
I start the day at work.... working in post-production...
outside...I think about story ideas....
what colours make up the morning....
How would I shoot that...
how would I capture so and so emotion...
kinda disturbing...
there goes my life...
yet I'm not really complaining..
just taking note of it....
and no I'm still not really good at filmmaking...
heh...
so many things to learn..
so many battles to fight...
but at least I can...
say with 100% confidence..
that I know what I wanna do with my life..

2009-07-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes its really fucking daunting...
I realise....
to be good at my future industry....
needing technical skills...
social skills...
and an artistic ingenuity at the same time...
and I guess I need to learn chinese/cantonese/hokkien too...
and the power to use your ego at the right times....
but I guess the only way to do this...
is to learn things a chunk at a time..
not to panic..and just take advantage of whatever pops my way..
like the internship at blackmagic....
which seemed quite bad for the first weeks..
but now is suprisingly...pretty alright...
so as always..
God give me strength...

2009-07-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

I pray that I do not fail in the life given to me,
and that I do not fail the people given to me.

Its the last 3 weeks before school,
and it feels exactly like the last 3 weeks before school ended...
Rushing to finish stuff....
getting stressed over it....
and feeling so drained and uninspired...
Elohim shebashamyim, ten li ko'ach
(God in heaven, give me strength)

2009-07-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

It struck me,
listening to music on my ipod,
how easily duped I am as a human being.
The sounds coming from my ipod,
being a replication which, to my ears,
seems to sound like the artist singing,
but its not.
Its a system of binary 1s and 0s digitally deciding what I hear.
Creating a replication of reality.
1s and 0s,
like DNA.
A whole digital film is composed of 1s and 0s...
a visual reality.
The artificiality of candied products..
the so-called strawberry flavoured sweet,
reconstituted sugar..and other flavourings..
I am duped once again..
Its just like reality is within your grasp...
but your grasp cannot discern its true nature.
We are blinded...
and once we become accustomed to it...
we become its slaves,
defining it as the standard....
sheltered within our neat tidy little civilisations...
without care for much else...
till we die...

2009-07-03T08:01:00.001-07:00

I think life sucks when,
you can't do your work because the editing computer is taken up by another editor...
and when you come home,
you can't even use your own comp cos your father is playing cabal online....
F
M
L

2009-06-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

Ok,
things have taken a better turn at my workplace..
and I've realised that my superior is actually a really nice guy.
Deep down inside.
and finally getting him.
I have a much deeper respect now.
W00t

2009-06-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

To feel the breeze of wind creeping across your skin,
your muscles straining one by one,
stretching as you move.
The smell of the air around you.
The people passing by,
The flickering light along the street.
The pulsing of traffic lights,
And I'd almost forgotten how fragile life is.
And that every moment I spend breathing is a silent celebration.
That this very moment,
I exist, I live.
yet it will not last forever,
and one day,
this entire experience,
life, will fade,
as will I.
But yet that day has not come,
so I must seize what I have till then.

2009-06-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

Im beginning to understand this thing,
that life is an endless struggle,
and its only worth it when you're pursuing what you want.
And that first step of pursuing what you want,
is finding out what that is.
And life is much too short to waste it on anything else.
Sian Ji Pua...

2009-06-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

I find the juxtaposition of this amusing...'Real Estate Advertising under State Land'

Anyway,

Today, in the MRT I had a cantonese dude shouting into my ear as he tried to reason with every member of his family,
uncle,auntie,father, mother, brother into paying for his panasonic HP installments...

On a bench in the MRT station a man sat down next to me and farted a stinker and then walked off.

neat day.

And all these in addition to the hell of an internship I'm in now....

2009-06-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

Ugh.....I demand intern rights...
working 6 days a week and overtime is murder...
and its bloody sian inside too....

I think the problem with me....
is that I don't trust myself.

2009-06-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

"Sophia" - Nerina Pallot

5 o' clock and a fire escape symphony,
Spilling out across the road and the square,
And the sky's the same as your own, do you think of me?
Do the parks, and trees, and the leaves, reach you, there?
After the rain, in the lonely hours he haunts me, calling out,
Again and again.

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning.
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

And now I walk these streets like a stranger in my home town,
Learn the language, form the words when I speak,
But he changed me, I'm his ghost since he came around,
And now I count the hours and the days in the weeks.

Passion and silence,
Every word, every line, a measure,
It's the science of the soul,
And his books, they breathe a reason and now I want to know...

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning,
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

You, with your new born eyes,
Have you ever loved a man like I love him?
Do you hurt but still feel alive, like never before?
Oh, Sophia, Sophia.

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning,
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

I always loved this song but never bothered to find it.
She says Sophia like Sapphire man....
but its really calming laid kinda thing that sets you thinking..
especially when you're stalking around other people's facebook pictures.

Anyway...without WoW I have tonnes of free time....
and I'm beginning to settle the tonnes of unfinished business with regards to school.
I guess its just a change of attitude..
and knowing that...
damn I gotta do this...NOW!
kinda thing that's getting me going..
those 25550 days(70 years = Avg lifespan of a male homo sapien) don't last forever..
and I'm almost 1/3 through....

2009-06-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

The irony of Seneca's essay on the shortness of life is that,
he probably wasted alot of time writing it,
making his relative time even shorter.

Anyway, I find myself stoning in front of my computer screen once again.
When I should be doing 1 of 3 things:
1. Cleaning my dust-ridden room(the lost tombs and ruins in Indiana Jones have less dust than my room)
2. Finish up the DVD copies of my short films for distribution to the actors.
3. Finalise the proposal for a revised curriculum for the future semesters, so that we LEARN.

And still I find myself still staring at the screen,
partially obsessed with Scatman John and my persisting record of singlehood.
=p

2009-06-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

I found this bugger while heading to school for a screening.
Really well-groomed and damn tamed.
I couldn't just leave it wandering around the neighbourhood so I stayed around,
Waiting for my family members to come down to help look for its owner,
while I went to school.
I found out from my sister that this guy's pretty horny too....
Sniffing about female dogs,
and its hardly aggressive,
a lover, not a fighter.
Of course, now that its been returned to its owner,
it won't do anything frisky with my maltese.

And this would be the 2nd dog I've helped restore to its owner,
having found a Schnauzer earlier last year.
The ironic thing is that when my dog went missing 2-3 years ago,
I wasn't the one looking for her.
It was in the night and I was almost asleep.
All I thought was 'Good Riddance, Bitch!'
Since its number one hobby is attacking the dustbins in my house,
clawing any kind of plastic wrapping food or Puking/Shitting/Peeing
in the strangest places....

Anyway, its the first day of the internship and I'm drowning in technicalities.
But it looks like a really neat place to work at.
Nice environment with pretty friendly people.

2009-05-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

Quite a few people have said I've lost weight recently,
Either its the crazy mad desperate rush to finish my short films,
or this bout of stomach aching thats been plaguing me for the past month.
(Hope its nothing serious)
And if thats not all, I have a new internship coming up,
With working hours till Saturday.
But they seem to be a pretty respectable Editing studio.
Thats gonna be hell on my physical state yet again,
Unless I finally acquire Time Management(Rank 1),
and immunity to my own procrastination.
Because I guess that's the only thing really holding me back.
Keep telling myself, hey, let's just take a quick nap...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
and its 3 hours...and I'm like...ok let's check WoW for a bit...
WoWWoWWoWWoWWoWWoWWoWWoWWoWWoW
and its another 3 hours.......and then..I'm like oh look its late..
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
and it sorta continues in a never ending cycle of mediocrity and self-depreciation.
Thankfully, WoW is loosening its grip on me,
The NS ICT sorta helped, breaking WoW inertia.
and the ICT is yet another reason why I haven't really had much time to rest.
Which then boils down to my horrid time management skills,
or more specifically to stick to them.
And I still have to come up with a story idea for next sem's film project..
and all I've been coming up with are vague fragments,
'cept for this taxi driver who inspired me to do something on him.
He was like some 70's to 80's music buff,
He was going on and on about The Beegees, The Beatles, Kenny Rogers...
talking about Which of the Gibb brothers were better,
Which Beatle's song he liked and who it was written by,
Then talking about the Grease soundtrack,
And on top of this, every song he talked about he would sing a bit of it.
So the sequence of conversation for the entire trip was something like
(About the song----Singing----History of the musician) for almost a good 50 mins.
Kinda like VH1's biography documentaries=p.
Could definitely do a film about this, especially in line with my next sem's topic,
'Encounter'
but much character tweaking and plot development is needed,
before I can even get down to writing a script.
and I haven't really gotten an idea that hits me so hard,
I have to pursue it.
So I guess I'm just gonna wait and see...

2009-01-01T08:02:00.000-08:00

I guess its time to breathe some life here....
So what's been bothering me all this time is what exactly is my philosophical message that I am trying to express, I think that's what seperates allows art to transcend beyond mere entertainment, of course only in the instance in which successful expression is achieved by whatever art the artist does. And with regards to my own burning desire no matter how corny it is...the expression of society as it is today, a stagnation, of living rot, of excessiveness without conscience, yet excessiveness without productivity in the development of individuals, in areas where the advancement of the human race as a whole is still stuck in a sickening membrane, throbbing within its own filth. (My inner emo seems to be having a field day...) Of course that would not be the full expression, imbalanced, more so, my expression would be along the lines of heroes who fight against the stagnation of human filth, to show, either the forgotten complicated simplicity of life, and not merely existence, but also that such stagnation is not as inevitably as 'oh, it's just the way life is' but it is something which can be broken. That's alot of brain poop right there, but I believe it, and I owe alot of it to my religion but in a good way. Of course, now would be the time to put said philosophy to the test and finally write something as I should be doing, rather than blowing bodies up with my lackluster team fortress 2 skills. Happy new year.

2008-10-07T05:31:00.000-07:00

One day, a religious elder told his disciple to build him a new house,
Eager to please him, the boy became obsessed with the project,
spending almost night and day on it.
Till finally, he collapsed and blacked out.
When the boy awoke, the religious elder could only shake his head,
'When you breathe, do you breathe in all the air you need for the entire day in a single breath?'
'Our lives are much the same, there is a time for everything, if we live each moment as it should be lived.'

2008-09-17T06:14:00.001-07:00

Alright. The past few months has been an escape into the past. Old School Diablo, Sega Genesis, and would you believe it, Tamagotchi... But I guess the playthings and games of your past will forever hold a special place in any gamer's heart, and its alot cheaper to buy old games to a certain extent. Film school has been alright, I'm used to the barking in directing class, the bad auntie-english of the editing class, cinema as B&W in the screenings and the laid-backness of autobiography. But then there's the Homework, Editing, Essays and finally the dreaded autobiography project. Why did I have to decide to do something surreal? The tendency to be different is both a blessing and a curse...
But oh well, <100weeks and the degree is mine...

2008-09-13T03:11:00.000-07:00

DAMN YOU EGGSHOP123! YOUR MORINO TAMAGOTCHI AND YOUR SOUL SHALL BE MINE!!!!!!!

2008-06-22T10:20:00.001-07:00

I'm realising it...
this language of film...

2008-06-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

Imagine....
spending all that intense emotion,
into focusing into a singular force,
propelling you forward to make a better world.
Instead of lying there playing endless amounts of computer games...
Imagine....

2008-06-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

It's been quite some time since I put anything up here...
Just wanna say Life(God) has been pretty good to me...
Getting into LaSalle's Film degree programme...
Striking 4D for the first time in my life... W00t...

All I'm right now is just my recruitment job at an insurance agency..
where I TELE-MARKET to recruit insurance agents...
I have to sound eternally happy on the phone so that the other person on the line doesn't want to kill me
which is something that really isn't my forte...
I'd much rather be brooding somewhere..
but anyway, I've had my own little successes as the right hand of the devil...
leading poor confused graduates or students into the gaping mouth of my manager..
I've even wrote an advertisement that glorifies the job...
check it out on JobsDB.com.sg
6-week internship program (my ass...)
well it is what it is...but...
sigh....
I just hope that people know what they're getting into..
Anyway, I've been trying to read 1 script per week,
realising its too slow also...
and I still find myself going to see arty movies very un-me..
but oh well...
I got myself into this..
and I need to learn...
and drag my introverted self out of its shell..
(I still feel so weird asserting myself sometimes....blame it on my upbringing)
I just hope that I've taken the right steps to achieving the sense of fulfillment in life I so desire...

Anyway, DAVID COOK WON...
GREAT SHIT!
BILLIE JEAN & SHARP DRESSED MAN.
long live gravelly rock voices....
and I've just recently discovered Missy Higgins too..

Anyway, when I was watching the arty farty shorts earlier...
I kinda thought what happens if the kind of people I hate watched my show..
I'd be 'UNWORTHY INFIDELS!' or something seriously..
and the questions people ask....
'DID YOU WAIT TILL IT RAINED TO TAKE THE SHOT!?!!??!!'
WHAT KIND OF INSULT IS THAT TO THE FILMMAKER..!!!?!!??!
shouldn't we be making more use of the time to help ourselves in our development of a better understanding of the human psyche through film rather than asking dumb questions and mundane stuff...
but anyway...its a free world....
but in a free world you have your objections also...
so yeap...

2008-05-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

INT. PLANET EXPRESS HQ

WIDE SHOT of round meeting table. BENDER, LEELA and FRY are seated around.

PROFESSOR HUBERT
(OS)
Good news, everyone!

And that shows you that I've been obsessed with Futurama for this past few weeks.
Damn La Salle is playing with my admission....

2008-02-07T01:34:00.001-08:00

Sweeney Todd is pure musical genius.
Haha.

Anyway, the shackles of NS have finally been released and I am free!
to become the overworked and underpaid production coordinator pre-enlistment.
At least I have my reasons,
though they are getting hazier as each day passes.
sigh..

2008-01-17T21:13:00.001-08:00

There is definitely a divine being looking out for us...
but how well we see it
depends on how much we are willing to live our lives the way we want it.

2008-01-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

God's in his heaven,
All's right with the world.

2008-01-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca
,pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

by Constantine P. Cavafy

2008-01-08T07:17:00.000-08:00

maybe its not because you don't know what you want..

everyone does..

but maybe its because you're trying to fit what you want into..

the definitions of society..

you're trying to fit your big dream into someone else's fixed reality..

leaving you lost at what to do..

2008-01-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

I used to treat Bob Marley's lyrics like it had alot of hidden meaning...

but I didn't really enjoyed it..

Until I realised it simply about the feel-good and the simplicity..

the pureness and direct tone which he delivers his message

of love...

or IAMLEGEND..

just made me gain an interest in him again..

haha.

2008-01-02T17:45:00.000-08:00

Why are we all so keen to rush off into our inevitable destinies..

When that very destiny is already existing in the here and now...

The beauty of every moment we live is lost...

simply because we don't take the time to appreciate it..

or aren't aware enough to care...

too lost in our own percepts of it...

The wind gently flowing past your face

The faces; markings of timeworn features

Sometimes the sounds of silence...

The small things, or so we presume...

get thrown out...

we become oblivious in our mad rush towards

like I say...

our supposed inevitable destinies..

your job...

your crush...

your need to accomplish...

your need to expect..

to sustain yourself...

to tell you that life's worth living...

when really...

all that you need..

is to sit down..

and listen...

and to take things as they come...

after all

Free will can only exist if you are given choices..

and only God can give you those choices...

no point rushing off here and there...

when I've been given the option to sit here...

to think...

to ponder...

to appreciate.

then finally to choose.

for the better.

2007-12-27T23:16:00.000-08:00

I went for a run and got my head cleared up abit...

staying in one place and letting your bad emotions fester like untreated wounds...

is extremely detrimental to health...

no matter how much you say you can handle it...

2007-12-25T05:16:00.000-08:00

My life has hit a kind of stagnant restlessness and unfulfillment till I came to a revelation....
I once thought...
perhaps since I've set out the basis of my wants...
all I have to do is organise these wants at specific timings..
and I'll get somewhere..
till busy schedules....rushing here and there...
I've realised...
I've lost concern...
I've lost the simplest pleasure of strumming a chord just to hear it resonate in the air...
lost the pleasure of simply taking in what I see that's happening around me...
all because I forgot to care..
forgot to care about life...
A poet is not poet if he cares not what he writes..
no matter how beautiful or elegant his words....
he is not.
Likewise for anything.
I need to care...

2007-12-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

Heh...

the new iMac is one slick machine to use..

the screen's so sharp..

everything looks so compact and perfect..

That's a dead cat by the way..

it got ran into by the car but its body was mostly intact..

however, due to the nature of the damage dealt to it...(mostly to the brain...+trauma)

the cat was sort of petrified

disturbingly cool.

2007-12-13T07:20:00.001-08:00

I'm restless...
so restless...

2007-12-09T06:42:00.001-08:00

It's the first time I saw a drink machine give you money instead of vice versa.
The drinks machine was the one outside Suntec City on the overhead bridge.
Then I noticed a significant number of coins together in a small pile...
I thought...
No way those are real....
WTF....
even though it was like 3 bucks worth of change
It was fricking suprising no one else noticed it...
of course I did look like an idiot reaching underneath the machine..
next to a dustbin...
but then I realised after putting one of those coins into the machine,
that the contraption was spoilt...
and I'm guessing it was related to the coins on the floor..
anyway....
there was this Mexican smoking nearby(at least he looked mexican....)
looking at me...
And I was explaining how cool it was to find change like that..
(trust me....if you see a pile of free shiny objects with monetary value you'd go koo koo too)
unfortunately,
not wanting to share in my enthusiasm,
He flashed me a
'Dumb Chino, I enjoy watching your stupid actions more than I do watching naked Lolita's dancing around empty tequila bottles' look.
heh...
I'd would've set his mustachio on fire if I could just for that.
then when I approached the suntec staff just to inform them of the spoilt machine..
and to tell them about the possible hole in the change compartment of the machine..
(there were 2 of them by the way...1 Chinese 1 Malay..)
the Chinese told me (in Chinese of course..) not to tell the Malay one that I had found the change.
heheh...
what a world of subtle racism.

2007-11-27T22:35:00.001-08:00

My inferiority complex has decided to rear its ugly head once more,
and wreck havoc upon my human soul.
So all I'm trying to do now is write it off with some good ol' guitar...
cos one day...
my guitar's gonna kill your momma~~~!!!~~

2007-11-23T05:45:00.000-08:00

Ugh...
my whole body aches...
My nose is running an Ultra Marathon...
and my throat feels like sandpaper.
damned flu

anyway,
as of now,
my life is alot more in order but there's still loads to be done...

2007-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

sometimes...
I wonder if hell has a nice cosy little corner reserved for me.

2007-11-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

I seem to be blogging more and more these few days,
guess its a better outlet than WoW though,
since it helps to clear my thoughts alot more than that.
but all this thinking's got me certain,
that the only way you're ever actually gonna get through anything,
is to be true to yourself,
I can't believe I'm saying that because I used to be so against the notion,
finding the need for objectivity,
but objectivity for FUCK,
you're not being objective if you don't the other aspects of your own being into consideration.
But then again,
how much of our true selves do we really know?

2007-11-07T19:06:00.000-08:00

10 songs on life which I couldn't live without:
(In no sequence whatsoever)

1. You gotta be - Des'ree

2. Return to innocence - Enigma

3. Better man - Robbie Williams

4. Natural blues - Moby

5. Hold on - Jet

6. Change your mind - Sister Hazel

7. Don't worry, be happy - Bobby Mcferrin

8. You get what you give - New Radicals

9. Beautiful Day - U2

10. Drive - Incubus

2007-11-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

There once lived a man on a deserted island.
For years he had lived there, undisturbed
till one day he noticed a torrential storm in the distance.
for several weeks he watched as it inched closer and closer,
till he realised that it was heading for his island.
He knew what he had to do.

So over the next few days,
he devised a plan for a boat which would sail him away safely,
using the wood he would get from the trees which covered the island.
He picked up his hatchet and swung it for the first time at his first tree.
The steel clashed with wood, but the damage was negligible.
And so for hours on that day,
he swung and swung till he could swing no more.
Still the tree refused to fall, its thick trunk mocking the man.
And so for days the same routine continued,
till he could take no more.

Eager for a break, the man stepped out to the beach,
staring at his inevitable conclusion,
then he laid down,
and grabbed the sand at his feet.
He moulded it with his blistered and sore hands,
till it formed a solid shape,
which he planted on the shore.
His first sand castle.
Amazed by his accomplishment,
the man continued,
days past,
then weeks,
then a month,
till he forgot the urgent task at hand,
till all the sand which laid by the shore,
was a great monument,
a testament to his power and control.
And so the proud man stood above his creation
'Behold, I the maker of so grand a design!'
and as he boasted,
he then realised,
the storm had come,
the waves ripped through his art,
teared his fragile body,
till all that remained of the island were the trees,
and the marks he left on the stubborn wood.

2007-11-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

the overall cleanliness of my house is a reflection on the state of my life.
a battlefield lined with the carcasses of pink elephants,
and unfinished assaults on the denizens of the lower planes of dust mites and the like.
basically, unfinished business,
my own demons to fight....
then too,
are there the troubles of others that I need to concern myself with.
to fight the good fight,
to live the good life.
where good does not equal comfortable,
and pain's all you got to feel alive.

2007-10-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

I am spiraling towards my inevitable demise,
a testament to my own mortality,
And as I make this journey,
I lunge and scream, desperate,
clinging on at what fabric of reality gives grip,
where lies answers that I seek,
The meaning behind this.

Yet lonely,
I betray myself.
to leave the journey's path for that,
which feels so true,
Yet beyond this feeling,
I am lost at what to do.

the journey is art,
to conclude.
each action a stroke,
each thought a muse,
and
with divine contrivance,
our piece is due.

2007-10-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

much things have happened since I last blogged.
The hand of God deals the strangest cards at the most unexpected times.
and those who are given those cards play them in ways stranger still.
I still don't know exactly what to make of what has happened,
but I've faced stuff along these lines before,
Yet I wonder what am I to do?
How can I help you guys the best I can?
and then how can I help myself?
but I guess I'll do it with some dignity and understanding this time.
Perhaps, but this is sort of killing me once again.
But I've learnt to smile,
a stoic smile.

2007-10-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

Gah.
my ability to stop my WoW addiction has been thwarted..
thanks to the Halloween event =p.
The headless horseman is one cool villain,
with his cool speeches.

2007-10-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Ugh...I just finished an instance and WoW is starting to get to me...
(once again...)
Sure, I HEART the lore and cool storyline and whacked-out stuff that they can come up with
but the game requires an intensity which I find hard to keep up with=p
So that's why I've(along with Brendan) currently relapsed into........

SANGOKUSHI TAISEN 2!
and at 3 dollars a game I'd be broke in NO TIME!
Overpriced but fun gaming FTW!

2007-08-17T05:37:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I've blogged and I guess I wouldn't have but Utada Hikaru's made me all mushy inside and I feel like blogging something. Let's talk about loneliness, the one thing that has been bugging me for sometime and has been nagging at my mind for a long time and has manifested itself as the warped image of her for too long. It has no form and has taken shape as that for me to feel like its tangible, a possible tangible solution. I understand that as the unwavering part of the human spirit as the longing for someone else and none of my personal reflection and pursuits into the philosophy of understanding creation, God,....etc...will ever change this feeling. But what to do with such feelings? Where do we go from here? Where do I go from here? Its not like I have no friends, I can turn to some of the most honorable people I know but why this feeling? It has driven me to define it, to control it and despite my attempts to understand my very existence, I have found my flaws, my own shattered humanity, dying to be place back together, but I've lost trust, I find it hard to believe in my God, but so desperately cling on to him. I've felt the beauty of existence, just simply standing there, listening, seeing, feeling and yet I feel like I'm delusioned, but Zen Buddhists would say I'm not and that its delusion itself that's holding me back but I'm not too sure. I've lied down just to face reality, what lies before me, that is reality, but the reality I crave is one not driven by the society of today. Suddenly, its clear to me that all my life, the source of very happiness does not lie in our material desires, but I still linger and cling onto my selfish desires, I'm attached, still too much attached to the material. So how real is the material? And how material is the real? The reason I've been so hesitant to make a choice on what I want to do in the future is because nothing offered by the university is what I desire. Sure, I have certain interests, likes and dislikes, but what has always driven me was the need to understand, the why, the need for peace of mind. Ironic that I scour and rip my mind apart to find it. And what I've said needs to be brought to life through me, but I still cannot find it in me to let go and still the loneliness persists. And for those who tell me not to think so much, I thank you but I cannot live without first finding it in myself to not be so dependent on my material self, to learn to give up when I am supposed to and when to just relax and trust God and in my own humanity and as well as others. And still loneliness persists.

2007-08-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

2007-07-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I managed to catch The Simpsons Movie, which although funny, lacks the depth, yes The Simpsons does have a certain in your face way of bringing up and controversial issues and parodying on them, which was kind of weakly done in the overall plot, as it doesn't seem relevant enough to any issue even though, from my point of view, the overall theme was to parody the government itself, which would've been good if they were more bolder like they normally were in addressing such issues.

and, I played like 20 hours of WoW to gain a few levels to finally at long last, reach outlands. phew.
and now my left eye is swollen. Not a good trade-off if you ask me.

2007-07-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

Quite recently, after numerous literary influences like CHIRunning and Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, I've been more inclined to believe in the supreme importance of free will, but also how it has become bogged down by so many external influences that we lose who we really are. Like when Katsumoto said 'What is it you want for yourself?' in the Last Samurai, what is it that we REALLY WANT? Is NICE clothes, NICE shoes, NICE house, NICE car, NICE trophy......etc. Or have we lost our sense of value ? It's hard to see beyond that mortal fabric that we are inevitably bound to but clearly life is more than changing fashion trends, counter trends. This and other factors have led to the deterioration of the overall quality of life, the mortal shell of self, the body, has become a stylised icon, with the excessive need to look good, such to the point where it becomes an indulgence of that, the flesh, although given that its the only tangible part of self that exists within our grasps, we need to define reality, the reality of test scores is the attempt to bring into being a tangible form of intelligence and this is seen everywhere, qualifications, PHDs, simply hollow, but its what drives the world now. Sigh.

Then on the idea of idealism. Isn't the reality we experience now the ideals of others? Inventors bring into being their ideas which at that time seem crazy, and slowly these inventions have embedded themselves into the framework of society's backbone, and suddenly we are assimilated into it. The law in any country, that itself is an ideal is it not? The law created that states that no one is to steal or whatever is still inevitably broken. Thus, for those that have compromise their idealism for realism, I feel are merely existing and not living, the real world is an ideal and it has become stagnant.

And back to the third rock. I went to visit Sungei Buloh nature reserve today. Pleasant experience, and good for clearing your head up, though I was pretty paranoid about the crocodiles and then there were the mosquitoes. We hunt mosquitoes. Period. But I was the one hunted. After about an hour walking, I realised there was a mini swarm of mosquitoes chasing me and when I stopped they attacked, kinda like elementals on a mechwarrior, but yea, I had a ton of bites that made my skin burn, and to a certain degree there's a certain highness you get when you've been bitten by so many mosquitoes. I guessed I've just donated enough blood to start another dengue outbreak. =p

2007-07-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

Today's SSDC lesson consisted of me heating up way more than the engine as I engaged my anger to cruising speed. The damned stand-in instructor was fricking blind and incapable of understanding what the FUCK was going on, as in I'd clutch out and moments later he'd be 'CLUTCH OUT NOW!' And Mr. Pussface engaged in much I told you so add ons, which were unproductive criticisms, to whatever I was doing making it damn fricking difficult to concentrate. Goodness. This all made me extremely tense resulting in me not accomplishing much even though he was replaced halfway through, I told the guy who took over why I was so stiff and uncomfortable was due to me gearing towards the murder of the hopeless pussface who was instructing me, on hindsight, not such a good idea and then I found out he was a fricking Motorcycle instructor. If I see him instructing on a bike I'd take 'extra care' next time.

2007-07-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's been quite sometime since I've posted on my blog. Nothing much has been happening in my life except the usual stuff and too much WoW is sorta dulling my life, even though it is as addictive as hell especially when I get free honor points from poor unfortunate souls unaware of my presence till I ravage, claw, etc. them on my druid. Pwnage. Then again, there's only abit of satisfaction that this gives and there's alot I still need to find myself doing in my free time, (and if you'd believe it my iPod on random has just started playing The Rolling Stone's Satisfaction) like getting my running together and get a band, and before that, go get some proper vocal training, which I keep saying but never happens, sigh, I'll pull myself one day to do it. I'm sure I will.

2007-06-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Alright. I caught Fantastic Four yesterday with Brendan and Ling Zhi and the show was fricking short! Even though it was packed with a tiresome amount of Mr. Fantastic elastic jokes, the usual Stan Lee Cameo(he's one of the chief creators of the Marvel Universe) and Laurence Fishburne(Morpheus) as the voice of the silver surfer!(Still talking about apocalyptic events no less) . Though it still has the charm of seeing your favourite marvel characters on the big screen, the lackluster plot was too thin to stand up to Spiderman 3's deeper storyline, although you can't expect that much since Spiderman really has that depth, take note of the brooding batman also, same deep thinking going too.

2007-06-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

There's that lightness of mind that grips me often in the wee hours of the night which kinda gives you a certain sense of clarity to things, whereby you no longer feel obligated to work or other chores which govern your normal working hours. It's also these hours which are perfect for that bottle of alcoholic escape and just a nice chat with anyone, whereby you see life from a much more enlightened perspective since you're no longer actively existing within the system of economics, politics and socialism and I savour times like that as it gets you into the mood to think the bigger picture, see your life as it is, and that its end, each day is approaching and you always come to the realisation of your mortality and you find out that, perhaps, that PS3 you so desperately want, has lost all its luster and charm considering the amount of time wasted on it, but then what isn't a waste of time in this century, what is achievement? What actually defines an achievement in life? Is being accomplished academically or in sport or in work an achievement? Is it the driving force, the desire to achieve the meaning towards your life? Too much of reading about TaiChi has led me otherwise, to be less goal orientated, that is, unity between process and goal, Learn to learn, do good to do good, but that's besides the point. I would say that achievement is something defined as what you want to do and having obtained it, but the paradox of our time is that we are constantly bombarded by external forces, disrupting our ability to discern what it is we really want. It is also in these moments where you feel like you're closer to knowing what you want, and what I want is more Asahi Black but I only know they sell it at Holland V and I'm now stuck in camp durin duty.=p

2007-06-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I finally managed to catch Pirates of The Carribean: At world's end with David today. It was like the Black Pearl's final voyage to tie up loose ends...Arrrrrrr......yea, but it had pretty funny parts, like that monkey called Jack was like the fricking best actor in the entire show and the accents and characters still have their distinctive colours that they make the delivery of the story more captivating and entertaining even though it is somewhat of a shameless attempt of contrivance to put the entire story into focus using excessive Lore and Legend to pull everything into the final chapter of the trilogy.

2007-05-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

Last friday, I was called upon to replace someone who had fallen sick as a helper in Singapore's Navy open house, which took place on a saturday from 7 to 7, and that wasn't the bad part. What was, was that I had spent a majority of those hours baking under the sun while directing people to the 'FUN' rides(If you enjoy falling into water and soaking you pretty dress while the horny uncle driving the boat takes a gander at your assets.) which consisted of RHIBs, Banana boats and Jet Skis. Anyway, after the whole event, I got burnt pretty bad, and this kid, this little girl on the bus back said I was very red, To which I replied, ' Yea, I'm like a crab.' To which to my dismay, She started looking at me and going 'HI CRAB!!'(And other random greetings with the word crab in it) several times on our journey towards the MRT station, she even made her screaming little sister greet me by my new title and then after we parted she went, 'BYE!! CRAB!!!', looking back it kinda seemed like I was some kind of mascot. It's almost like I've transcended my life of boring mediocrity into the Nirvana of preschool playhouse Disney, putting me right there next to Barney, Pee Wee and the randoms freaks of sesame street.

Oh ya, before I forget,
Kudos to Kinokuniya or however you spelt it for excellent customer service.
They bothered to change my defective book 5 weeks++ after I got it,
without needing me to produce a receipt( I did have my Kino card though).

2007-05-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

It's black and white,
no, now its grey.
and all there was that seemed to be
is only true in memory,
the faded scene,
where he is free to be
but no he does not want to,
he knows his own self-destructive tendencies
it gnaws, it gnaws,
and his mind is lost
he grabs the pistol and
gasps,
he wishes for some self relief
and click,
the cartridge empty.

2007-05-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

Spiderman 3 Spoiler Alert!

I caught Spiderman 3 last night with Brendan and Shaun, not bad except that it was kind of long for a Marvel movie and all. And the disturbing bulging chin of Toby Maguire which threatened to block out the entire screen (And us sitting in front didn't help, and it was sort of my fault that we were) and the fact that the chose Topher Grace AKA. Eric Forman from That 70s Show to be Venom. I mean of all people! Why not Brock Lesnar!!?!?!? His name is already 1 word to Eddie Brock, You even save costs on the credits and opening sequence since you don't have to render a completely different name! But what has happened has happened, and even though it wasn't what I expected Topher Grace would've fitted this version of Venom more anyway, and it did serve as a twisted mirror persona of Peter Parker in the way it was hopefully supposed to be.

Spoiler over.

Found this nifty little thing while blog serving.
How many times can you press the Damned button in one minute.
Sigh...
The many meaningful challenges of life.

2007-05-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

James Khoo --

[noun]:

A level headed person who always makes the wrong decision

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

The truth is sometimes scarier than fiction...
and when the random calculations of a quiz like that gives you this kind of result..
its even scarier.....

Go 'Legally Accquire' the song Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, its some seriously good meaningful music............from 'Meet The Robinsons'- A disney movie, for 5-1000000000 years old.

2007-04-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

The night didn't kick into full gear till we were outside Club momo, the nightlife there seemed lethargic and unimpressive, and we stayed outside for awhile, I, being the odd out one out since I was sitting or squatting by the curb, not participating in the typical NSman's gossip mainly because I wasn't part of the formation/unit/division/section, and I didn't take much care in Brendan's and Joanna's conversation until a topic relating to her, was brought up.(I've grown used to the feeling, so I've become pretty stoic with regards to this...). So, as usual I'd carry on as though I wasn't affected by it, grinding my teeth a little, one would wonder, 'why don't you just.....' and if the question comes up, I guess I'll shrug it off saying, life is short, if I decide to let myself pursue a forgone conclusion or one that is based on my own little flawed window of reality, I'd be wasting time, too much of it. So, still indecisive about whether to go in, due to our distinctive and instinctive epidermis pigmentation issue, we waited as the prices of our tickets slowly depreciated, and eventually we did go into the place after it picked up a bit,into a smoky and loud place, a club.

My first instinct was to go to the toilet but didn't give in to it till I reorientated myself to momo. The place seemed more run down, the pole dancers were hideous decorations, the ah Lians and ah Bengs were evacuating the facility, and with good reason I might add. So it was after awhile that I went to the toilet, with its cubicles so beautifully layered with vomit, piss and shit, waste of the party animal, typical species of enclosures such as these. I left the toilet, noticing awhile later that Jerold and his girlfriend were making several disappearing and reappearing acts while the rest were checking out the dance floor, while all I did with Brendan was stand around and look at the most pleasing thing, which was soccer, which says alot about the place since I'm not even a soccer fan. Things took a turn for the worse when we finally got a table. Which resulted in me being uncomfortably sandwiched by Joanna and Melissa, Jerold's Girlfriend, for awhile. And just after I escaped from the flanking, Jerold said something to Melissa which resulted in her offering to get a girl's number and we be together or something by the end of the night(by the way, the only thing I was kissing at the end of the night was my toilet bowl). I was like I have no time, the whole offering was quite out of place, since me being me, have resolved that such offerings even if successful are nonetheless nothing more than distractions with little depth anyhow. Anyway Shaun, being his generous self, treated a bottle of Dewar's Whiskey, and so feeling obliged to drink I knocked back about a healthy/unhealthy portion of the liquor, resulting in my uncontrolled bobbing to the music, which resulted in me wanting to go to the dancefloor which also resulted in me making an immediate U-turn due to the unexplained phenomena of Penis Repulsion, which follows the same law as magnets, and I was pushed back by that force along with Brendan due to the magnitude and size of it that night. The music was starting to make me dizzy now, along with my bobbing, and my vision was going, and a generous portion of my psychomotor ability, so when Brendan asked whether we could take a breather outside, I gladly followed, Daniel followed soon after, bearing bad news, that the second bottle was coming, I asked for it too, so it was our doom I guess. I had a resolution to finish that bottle and it wasn't enough, I proceeded to take three generous portions of it along with coke and along with my many many warcrys of 'TAKE IT DOOOOOWWN!', and that was when I hit the peak, and it was all downhill from there, the music blasting and thumping, my bobbing reaching its climax, I lost all recollection of that night besides puking in the grass outside, being at my front door, and proceeding to kowtow to my beloved toilet bowl 20 or more times(followed by another 20 the next day), bad night, worst hangover.

2007-04-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere in one of Paul Coelho's books,
that in each life, there is 1 main actor, around 2000 supporting cast..
and all the rest are extras.
and it is pretty true...
somehow...
the same people you are meant to meet are all sort of inter-linked..
connected by some way...
or perhaps its because..
Singapore is way too small or
I may be turning into Walter Sparrow from 23...

anyway.....
back to life in NS....
where I am in a more or less relaxed mood at RP...
and it seems as though NS has taken a backseat for me now..
allowing a hell lot of time to...
brush up on my life...
as I've longed from the start...
and things are slowly picking up...
and I guess its time I took up driving
and perhaps even try to get a performing gig somewhere late this year
if I can be disciplined enough to sit down and work out all my musical shortcomings...
and if I don't get toooo preoccupied...
sigh...
at least alot of stuff and emotional baggage has been moved out of the picture too.

2007-04-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Ok....
so the course is two weeks...
but I've already grown sick of it halfway through...
its like me to get sick over something I'm not enthusiastic about...
the post however,
is more favourable as it provides me with time and privacy I could ill afford before..
damn....
if I be tactical about it....
I might even be able to breeze through the remaining 10 months without doing anything...
*Grins wickedly

2007-03-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

So it's finally happened..
I've finally been posted out,
and I'm an RP...
what a contrasting vocation to Diving
well the course is pretty slack
and duty won't be too difficult...
something I'd actually wanted from the start...
but of course...
that's not to say I'm completely apathetic towards my previous course..
it still feels way more worth it to go through it...
everything feels inferior...
but then again..
why I went out in the first place..
I had my own reasons...
and I can only be responsible for what I chose...
despite it being out of character...
heh...
well, it's the way this life works I guess...
the microcosm of the army is such that...
after losing that an elite vocation..
you have to feel like shit...
makes you not want to make the same mistake in the real world..
which I should be thankful of for having experienced it now rather than later on....

2007-03-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

Having almost every episode of The Simpsons at your fingertips..
that's almost as good as a gift of the holy spirit..
and they're finally having a movie!..

and yet....
its still so boring....

2007-03-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

so...its a little over 330 days left
and I am more than halfway to the end...
but still the life in there is pretty unchanged..
draining my energy and life away..

still....
I have things to keep me alive...
like my love-hate relationship with my guitar...
the ongoing renovate my room project,
this blog...
WoW...
Sangokushi DS
some friends
some enemies of whom the thought of vengeance keeps me alive..
and
Booze.....
glorious lifeblood of nature...

2007-03-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

So I finally got down to tidying up my room..
and quite frankly I'm quite impressed at the progress..
just the door and windows to do up now...

In my financial situation...
I still have 1 someone who owes me 150 bucks...
and has disappeared from my reality....
and with that said..
I'm still in debt...
so to all you welfare agents selling tickets or other such items...
shove your hunger/poverty/abuse porn elsewhere...
its not a financial issue
its a social issue

And my current position as of now...
on the state of emotional attachment....
is a reply to all those who say..
if you love someone let them go...
I say
fuck that...
don't fight the feeling...
you can't let it go...
why lie to yourself..
just learn to live with it and keep reality in check..
because if you keep trying to let go..
or become apathetic its gonna waste whats left of the rest of your life..
face forward to your reality...

Yoroshiku...
whatever that means..

2007-02-25T05:34:00.000-08:00

Damn..
325 down the drain..
all for..

SUSUME!!!!!!!

damn the sangokushi taisen ds

2007-02-20T05:04:00.000-08:00

Life sucks when,

you're a guy(namely me) with small feet...
'cause competing with countless ah lians for converse shoes is a bitch

You're capable of holding your alcohol..
better than you can hold your stomach...

so...approximately 351 days left in the SAF..
but the light at the end's pretty hazy still...

2007-01-07T03:37:00.000-08:00

So...it's been awhile since I blogged...
and boy is WoW taking quite abit of my life..
Instances, quests and battlegrounds...
its like another life...
then there's dota..
and now thanks to sun plaza's new arcade machines..
Sango kushi Taisen..
I need better time and money management...

2006-11-12T03:39:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I didn't get confined..
Thank you providence..
well...I finally got my world of warcraft..
which is bad considering that the only computer in the house that can run it
is my father's computer..
so it's resting in my room untouched..
despite this..
WoW should be as good as I've seen..

2006-11-05T03:48:00.001-08:00

Heh...there's a chance I may be confined next week..
but if I play what cards I have and with some divine providence..
I think I can skip it..
just hope that everything goes right..
even though I know I kinda screwed up..

This saturday...I was forced to go to an environment forum...
whereby one of the speakers raised an interesting point..
'How many of us know what an angsana tree and tembusu tree are?'
this trees are all native to our climate and yet we can't distinguish them..
and we hardly know them..
that ignorance and unawareness is pretty bad..
since we are called by some as 'garden city'...

yea...so I spent the whole saturday out..
and I haven't done much damage control regarding my spending...
but have found a new seris of books published by Penguin called Great ideas..
couldn't resist buying The Social Contract and Seneca's notes on shortness of life...
and I was supposed to go to liquid kitchen to discuss the class outing with David..
till dota came in..
yeap.....
another week closer to the eternal twilight.

2006-10-29T03:04:00.002-08:00

So...
it's been quite awhile since I've updated my blog...
too much alcohol...
too much retail therapy..
and all..

I'm still stuck as a temporary clerk in NDU.
things are kind of relaxed in there..
though there's that daily pressure of finishing up the necessary work per day...
without compromising your weekend..
mostly..
the people in the working environment are all pretty friendly towards me fortunately...
although its still....467 Days to ORD...
things are sorta better when I was in training..

Finally got my guitar up again..
it was down because..it kinda buzzed on the 12 fret of the 1st string..
but it's back and more beautiful than ever..

yea...
sweet little guitar...

Played dota yesterday too...
didn't play as rusty as I thought I would've...
and hunting David was pretty fun...
till we started playing CS AWP..
where...he fricking kept shooting me before I could pick up my gun..
dammit..

2006-10-29T03:04:00.001-08:00

2006-10-29T03:04:00.000-08:00

2006-10-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

ugh...
office politics..
and somehow....
it seems to be in my favour..
heheh..
luckily..
giving me opportunity to play my electric guitar
in peace...
woohooo
my brand new epiphone Les Paul Classic..
its one cosy comfortable axe...

2006-09-29T18:50:00.000-07:00

Breathe and then the breath is gone,
See and then the sight is gone,
embrace a moment,
and then its gone
such it is that life is,
every second to be cherished.

ugh...yes...
the mortality of existence is bugging me again...
I can't help but be overly calculative about my life span..
or the remaining life span of my parents..
thinking about my funeral...
heheh...
but it is inevitable...
and worrying like that is futile..

A few days ago...
I told Donovan that...
NS is a waste of time and that people who do not want to serve it aren't selfish..
I think that you do not owe Singapore anything...
what you do with your life should be your own..
life is such a sacred thing given to you..
that you should not be burdened by any mortal obligations unless
it is willingly done so...
the choice is of fundamental importance
heh...
well..
NS is a waste of time but in society today...
it has become necessary for it..
I want to see the people in Singapore safe..
I could care less about a country..
but not people.
sigh..
such is the reality perceived by general society..
flowing like a river
that we are driven to follow the currents
difficult to resist it...
we are drawn further and further from what we desperately feel like achieving in out lives.
Where are the saints and buddhas of our generation?..

2006-09-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

Damn....
Photobucket's become really laggy recently..

anyway....
I discovered I cannot in any way cure my game buying addiction..
so I've decided to start changing my blog into a game rating blog...
yea...starting next post...

'Want to try 100% grape juice from Isreal?'

2006-09-10T02:46:00.000-07:00

alright...yesterday was a pretty screwed up day...
spent the morning to early afternoon tidying up my room..
then headed down to Beach road with David to get my fishing stuff..
finally got a new rod and reel..
then....
we met up with Brendan and Weili...
and ate...in stingray..
(I think you know why...)...
so we did all that and it was at like around 8+ when we got to Sembawang park..
walking to a remote area where we spent the next hour fishing..
Or so I thought..
till we realised that the whole place was a mosquito feeding ground..
some guy was singing some malay song...
which really didn't sound good at all..
Brendan on the other hand..
wasn't fishing..he was sitting in one corner facing the sea...
playing burnout on his PSP..
transendence..
yea...
pretty pathetic night fishing if you ask me..
can't see jack shit..
my line had tangled several times since I can't see anything at all..
in fact,
I spent half the time fixing up my line...
Weili wasn't doing too well either..
so..they decided to crash my house..
where I would show David why Guitar Hero is not a retarded game....
to my dismay and despair..
he was fricking hogging the ps2 and guitar controller after his first game..
obsessive piece of.......
anyway..he is not bad...
but seriously...it was really difficult pulling him away from the machine...
he was stuck on it till 2+ am man..
ugh...
so...finally after eating some late night prata...
my room was finally to myself again..
no more Rockstar David...
phew....

2006-09-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

On silver wings I send my prayer,
yet tattered, torn I wonder wether it'll get there.
But I know somehow,
someone's listening...
but I don't know when help will come
so I fall...
down into a spiral.
where I can't get out
But I won't say I'm forsaken
because I know it'll come
someday.

heh...
so this is my second post...
NS life is still killing me...
I originally thought being in the army was pretty cool..
I guessed I was way too influenced by the clone trooper formations in star wars,
the handling of explosives and firearms...
until I got there...
and half the time you're stuck doing nothing...
either preparing for what is to come....
or just waiting and loathing the instructions that is to come...
Now, even as an OOC..
I'm still waiting....
rotting away...
no news about my posting...
so I'm still stuck in the office..
with a partially mentally insane bunch of sargeants...
well at least that makes things interesting..

anyway...
back to my guitar playing....
which is much better than how it used to be..
considering..I'm almost at the point where I can play a song fully..
my rhythm is way better..
(I think guitar freaks helps)...
still trying to get the right strumming pattern and pace for
Live's 'The Dolphins Cry'...
beautiful song man...

well...
suddenly I feel a sense of hope again..
despite feeling that whateve you're doing is shit quality to what you're trying to achieve..
it brings a sense of fulfillment to do what you really want to do...

It's quieter here.

2006-09-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

Heh...
I just changed the address only.
It's quieter here.